fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
