We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I AM VODKA MAN
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
