so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My vagina is very pro this idea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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