i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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