i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
