so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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