You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
