i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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