for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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