She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
