I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
