I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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