I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
