he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
