Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
