I want to have your abortion
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
