Midget sex pt 2 tonight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
