She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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