Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
