Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
