We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
