would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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