Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
