this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
