just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
