Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
