So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
