if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
