I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My life is pants optional.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
