i just sent this text using only my big toe
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize