No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
