if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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