God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
