The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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