drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
