I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
