Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
