Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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