Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
