I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
sex in a hospital.. check
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
