This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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