Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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