I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
