Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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