he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
