Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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