I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
