I want to stick my p in your. b.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
