for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
