T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
