the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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