I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
