I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
