I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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