I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize