CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
