Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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