I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
