I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize