Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
