So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
