You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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