There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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