I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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