Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
