And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
