Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
