i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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