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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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