So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
