I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
