She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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