we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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