i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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