why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
