You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
