i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
