just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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