He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
