Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
