i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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