I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize