So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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