So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
