There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Mom said you looked used
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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