and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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