the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
